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Damaged goods- I miss the Me that only knew the good

Do you remember what you were like before you were ever damaged? Before life hit us with bricks named reality?

I miss the me that came before reality. When I actually believed that I am enough. I am not just damaged goods.

There are days I long for my youth. My innocence. When all I knew was that I was taken care of and I didn’t have any cares of what else this world had to offer except that I was going to be a singer and make lots of money! And be super rich!

I was going to grow up, get married, have kids, get rich and take care of everyone I love.

…Until I wasn’t. And am still not.

I miss the me before my first love heartbreak. That loved the guy I tried to love and love again, just to be hurt, hurt again, and then ultimately broken. When I knew how to fully trust a person without insinuating allegations over minuscule things. Who, despite all the crappy relationships I fell into, still trusted someone enough to marry them and start a family, that ultimately led to more trust issues and belittlement– and ended.

I miss the me who didn’t worry about what to wear or how much I should or shouldn’t weigh. When black and white striped shorts totally went well with a pink and purple polka dotted shirt and kids wouldn’t make fun of me for it. When I didn’t compare my own unique beauty to those around me– and then feel less beautiful because of it.

I miss the me before I had kids. Not in the sense that I have lost myself, more so in the sense that I worry so much more--about bad people, bullies, rapists, murderers, other drivers on the road and what other people are capable of doing to them if I even take my eyes off of them for one second. I worry about myself and beating myself up about more than my looks, but now about my parenting skills (or lack thereof). Am I doing this right? Are my kids happy? Should I do this or that? Can they see that I have no idea what I’m really doing and that I’m just winging it, most days, just to get through the day? Or that I am nowhere near as neat and organized as my mother was? And probably never will be.

I miss not having to worry about the bad in this world.

Because although I didn’t get it right the first time, I have found a love that mirrors mine. Who–even though, I have trust issues, anxiety and many insecurities–still loves me for me. Someone who would move mountains and help me carry my baggage and burdens. I have someone who sees the good in me and knows that I am enough.

…Even though lately all I see is bad.

I miss the me that only knew the good.

The good in this world.

The good in other people.

The good in me.

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Mom's Corner · Uncategorized

Planning and Parenting- What a book won’t tell you

Alright. Since I’ve already crowned myself The World’s Okayest Mom— we all know I didn’t plan a whole lot prior to my oldest joining my life journey. I tried a liiiiiitle harder with my second, but knew there wasn’t much more out there that’s changed in the six years since I had previously given birth. One of those things being my personality. If you want to know what real motherhood is like, ditch the books and follow a mom blogContinue reading “Planning and Parenting- What a book won’t tell you”

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A Father’s Reward

In honor of Father’s Day.

You always hear “there’s no love like a Mother’s love”. Moms this, moms that. (I mean let’s face it- moms are awesome!)

But dads? They’re dead beats. They get praise in “doing the dishes”, or cleaning anything in the house since that’s to be expected of mother’s. They “work all day and get to relax at the end of the day while mom works all day and night taking care of the kids”. Right? At least that’s what social media tells us.

Wrong.

Dads are the superheros in our normal, everyday lives. The ones who save the day (and sometimes the kids from falling). The ones who don’t need or get validation from the world for what they do to provide for their families. The ones who are willing to work hard labor, wear a suit sitting in meetings, or the ones who wear a uniform willing to lay down their lives for not only their families but for people like you and I, 8-12 hours a day.

They will be our daughter’s first loves and our son’s first heroes.

They are the foundation of what our daughters should look for in a spouse, and how their sons should treat all women.

They are our pillow talk, our daily journal entries when we need time to vent, our best friends. We seldomly get to hear their sides of the story. So this is what I did..

I asked some of the dads in my life and dads that are friends of mine what the greatest reward of being a dad is and their responses were so very heartwarming. Here’s what they said:

cheers!

(featured image photo credit: www.angelatabakophotography.com)

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ISO: Time! Who has time for any of this?!

Probably most of you, or at least the average person has time for all of this. But me? I am in desperate need of any and all you can spare. Will be using it for the following:

  • sleep
  • getting my kids ready
  • getting myself ready
  • work
  • extracurricular activities
  • time with my husband
  • and last but not least- me time!

I swear I was given 1440 minutes a day (I googled that)- just like the rest of you! But no matter what I do I still feel short-changed.

I know, I know. Everyone says, “Go to bed earlier.” or (even worse) “Wake up earlier.”, or my favorite, “Prioritize better”. Well you know what? I suck at all of those things! Ask my poor husband. Like I said in my previous post – he’s great – I never said I was. I, on the other hand, am a straight up hot freaking mess. I am so Type B that my go-with-the-flow attitude is more like a I’ll-handle-it-when-I-get-to-it type of personality. Which doesn’t work for most things in life. I have tried “To Do” lists (that end up being more of a honey-do list), planners, calendars, you name it! The only thing that tends to work is writing crap on my hands (and making sure I don’t scrub it off when I wash them).

Liiight buullb! I should get a “To Do” list tattooed on my hand to actually be able to utilize it efficiently. But it still probably wouldn’t work.

My kids probably think I’m a maniac in the morning because my artificially sweetened tone saying “Get your shoes on, mommy’s gunna be late!” (because she sucks) turns into *Batman’s voice* “Get your shoes on!”, by the 239th time I ask demand.

Then I look at the clock. 8:02am. I swore it only said 7:45am just 5 minutes ago! Good thing our baby sitter is only a minute drive away. Go, go, go!

Then I go to work, do worky-like things, and get home around 5:30-6 o’clock at night. Eat dinner (notice how I left out make because sometimes I don’t), then its time to play games like Basketball with balloons (we don’t have an indoor hoop), or Lets be cats (which somehow evolves into me becoming a horse in the middle of the game), or The coloring game (this one I like, because it makes sense and its mellow). Then next thing you know its bath time (God forbid you have to clean your stinky butt), and then story time and then it’s whatever-else-I-can-squeeze-in time (which usually consists of me half-assing laundry). Then again, I look at the clock. 10:30pm and the husband is ready for bed.

But I’m not. I just started me-time (aka laundry while watching Friends)

I might be a whirlwind of chaos. I may never be able to find the right way to do things (or the time to do things the right way), but its definitely my way of doing things. I may complain and wonder why I am the way I am. I may try [and fail at] bettering my tactics, but when I look back at the day when I’m sitting there alone in my thoughts, I always come back to this:

Where the hell did all the time go?

So please, while I am still very happy with how my life is going, I still want those extra minutes slipped into my DMs, if you have any to spare! =P (only half-kidding)

cheers!
ashley

#coffeemom

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Free Support! Cooomme and Get it!

Do you ever see those “super annoying” posts from your friends in your newsfeed all “Buy this, buy that!”, “Check this out!”, “Look how awesome I’m being by doing this!”?? Can you believe that they have the nerve to interrupt literally [maybe] a single minute of our day to try and promote something they enjoy??

How dare they.

As you may have noticed as of late, I am also one of those people. You know why? Because support is free. Because I enjoy supporting people doing things they love. I enjoy supporting the people who have the ability (and sometimes it takes courage) to be consistent about it. We don’t take joy in feeling like we are being “those people“. We are just here to share our hobbies/jobs/sources of income in hopes that we will get support from our family and friends. If you’re not about it, scroll by, move along. There’s no need to be rude, or laugh, or make snide remarks at us/them. (On the other hand, I know there are some consistently pushy, send invites to your inbox, texting, calling, messaging, kind of people, just ignore them or kindly say “No thanks, I’m not interested”.) If they ask you for their support, and you don’t want to, just say I’d rather keep my [insert social platform here], free of ‘advertisement’ but if there’s another way I can help, let me know.”, leave the group, or turn off notifications for said person.

I’m not here to shame those who don’t enjoy seeing things they aren’t necessarily thrilled about in their feeds. I’m just saying the mockery isn’t necessary.

If you can’t say anything nice- don’t say nothin’ at all.

I appreciate the support you all have shown me! Whether it is from sharing, to following or subscribing, or simply just visiting my page when I post. So thank you, thank you, thank you, for your support! NOW onto other things…

Below is a list of people I know and love who have businesses or hobbies that I support, or are looking for support. Check them out! You may discover something you never thought you needed!

Are you looking into bettering your lifestyle and have good gut health? Check out Plexus, sold by none other than my amazing sister in law, Nicole. Her Facebook group is Pink Power.

Looking for environmentally friendly cleaning supplies that help you save time and money?? Look into Norwex sold by my good friend Beth. Her facebook group page is Beth Bork—Norwex Independent Sales Consultant

Ever thought of getting a tarot reading but wasn’t sure of how to go about it or what to ask? My good friend Bretta has her own tarot reading business! Her prices are amazing and her readings (from personal experience and multiple reviews) are precise and accurate! Visit her website and multiple social platforms!
Facebook: Okaasan’s Tarot, Website: www.okaasanstarot.com, IG: @tushiku_chichika

Want to try out LuLaRoe? (This one’s hard! Because I have multiple friends who are consultants but I will #shoutout the two who I have worked with the most and have helped me out, personally) My friends Ryn, and Chrystina are amazing consultants! So many fun fabrics and prints and a large variety of styles and sizes!
FB for Ryn: Lularoe with Ryn
FB for Chrystina: Lularoe Chrystina Cortes

How about makeup and skincare? My super adorable cousin, Nicole sells LimeLight! I personally have only bought the mascara and eyeliner but with those purchases, I can say are amazing products! Her Facebook group is: Nicole’s VIP Limelight Group.

Heard of LipSense? The magical lasting lip color that hydrates your lips and won’t leave them dry! My long time friend, Windy, could probably promote a bag of trash and people would still buy it! She rocks! Her FB page is: Winded By Beauty.

Want more Hot Mess Mom reads? (Yeah, aside from mine). Check out my newfound blogger companion (#teamleo, #birthdaytwins) Regina! She has started up a new blog with a new fire and passion. She would love your support, too.  Her blog is The Hot Mess Brunette. Subscribe and follow her, too!

 

cheers!
ashley

 

#coffeemom

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What is a “Good Man”?

In honor of my husband, since today is his 31st birthday! (Happy birthday, baby!)

I thought I knew what a good man was. Until I dated them for years (God, why?), and finally breaking up with them. If they were really good men (can I really call them that??), I would not have felt relieved upon my breakups. I wouldn’t have wanted to run or find reasons for them to leave me! I wanted them to leave me! Not the other way around. Mainly because I didn’t have the heart to leave. I cannot stand confrontation.

These “men” that I was utterly smitten with, showed me they loved me by controlling me. Initially I was all “Aw, they just want to make sure I’m safe.”, or “They’re really interested in what I’m doing”. No. That turned into “Take pictures of where you’re at/who you’re with so I know that’s what you’re really doing“. And I did it. For years, I did it. I’d leave one relationsh*t, just to [blindly] jump into another one where it starts off all flowers and romance, and being fed sweet nothings that were really infiltrated with absolute garbage, not realizing I deserved better.

Until that’s exactly what I got- someone better.

This man of mine casually made his way into my life. Now, at this point, I had a kid, have been divorced, have serious romantic anxiety, and wanted nothing to do with the male species. Really, when I saw him, I thought he was good looking and told myself “Nope. Not happening”.

Yeah, HO-kay.

We started talking snowboarding and hockey and the next thing you know, there we were on our first date, eating wings (#teambone-in) and falling in love.

He is a good man. Better yet, he’s a great man.

We may not speak the same love language, but we have learned to. He listens to me,  we actually get along, he loves my first born like she is his own, he shows me he loves me, and this list could really go on and on.

A good man will love you at your worst. He will do his best to make things work. He will work hard to make you happy. He will trust you. He will work with you, to make your relationship last, not letting you pull all the weight. He will not pick you apart and want you to change anything about what makes you, you. Lastly, he will not control you.

Obviously boundaries exist. They need to. When you find yourself in situations where the other person is pushing them, mark that as a red flag. Do not settle for less. Find someone who completes you, with a personality that complements yours, not suppresses it. And work hard to maintain your relationship. Not a single one is perfect. Relationships will always require maintenance- and that’s okay! It doesn’t make it a bad one.

Now go out there and find yourself a husband like mine. (Just not mine. =P)

cheers!
♥ ashley

…and for the record! He still says I said I thought he was a douche, when really I said “He looks like a douche.” he’s got some serious RBF. But still handsome nonetheless.

 

#coffeemom

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Poshmark + Fashion = Budget Friendly

 

Are you into fashion? But not that into fashion? Like, you really want to be but you’re in a #ballingonabudget type status?

That’s me. 100%.

I looked everywhere looking for the convenience of online shopping without the online shopping prices. Now, don’t get me wrong. I still like all the cutesy boutiques and lulu’s, but with two kids, and the funds I set aside for my coffee, (bills, too, I guess(>.<) ), I can’t always afford to shop at retail pricing.

Then I discovered Poshmark. [← this will take you to my personal Poshmark closet]

Some people automatically think “Ew, I don’t want other people’s used clothes”, (which I am not frowning upon) and others don’t care. I, personally, am on team #idontcare. However,  there are sooo many options for both opinions. There are many people on there who buy wholesale (which you can also do through Poshmark, itself) and then resell it. The perk to that is most closets have a bundling deal where if you add two or more items from the same closet to a bundle, you automatically get a discount (the seller has to have preset this discount on their settingsOR you can also make on offer on said items. Keep in mind that the seller may also have their own set of rules (which is totally acceptable) that they don’t accept offers and prices are firm so just make sure you’re reading their rules before placing offers.

Now for those of you on team #idontcare, or are looking for an avenue to sell or clean out their own closets, you can seriously get some amazing steals on gently used clothing. (There are some iffy people, like many places, who will pull a fast one or sell crap). You can follow name brands, and browse those only, or you can search specific styles and browse people’s closets. There are also many people who are willing to trade! So you can comment on something you like and say  “Hey, would you be willing to trade this for blah blah from my closet” and then you’re still getting rid of stuff you never wear and just trading it for stuff you would wear. Or simply buying gently used clothing for pretty cheap! I have done both, traded and bought and the payment/payout process is simple and easy!

Let me know if you’re interested in either buying or selling! Just leave a comment or email me! I’d love to help you out.

Also, keep in mind these people are trying to make something off their items so please, no low ball offers. #dontbethatguy.

cheers!
♥ashley

 

#coffeemom

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Who wants to save money?

I recently discovered Amazon Affiliates and am motivated more than ever to be associated with them. I made a post about saving money on this fancy item 34584059_1968244376541280_4831469764230512640_n.jpg, right here, on my personal Facebook page. With that, I mentioned that I am in a coupon group on Facebook, and ended up adding so many people to the pages I’m on that I became more motivated to revamp my [partially existent] blog and get things readied up. This is where I am hoping to post those deals for you! Keep an eye out and if you’re interested in following the other pages that I am on, I am willing to point you in the right direction.

Continue reading “Who wants to save money?”

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Where do I begin??

Hi guys!

I decided to venture on a new journey and invest in blogging. I have no idea what I’m doing [yetso I’m sure it will be a mess for some time. For those of you who are visiting I figured I’d start off with an introductory entry. So here goes nothing! (or everything)

My name is Ashley, I’m 29 years young, I am a mom of two kids aged 7 and 1, and wife to an amazing man (Matt). I have a very colorful upbringing thanks to the military and have started many new adventures in many places. Japan and Colorado being where I claim “home”.  I am half Filipino and half white, but I mostly get that I look hispanic. *shrug*. I have one sister (6 years younger) who took all the white genes and I took the milkman’s genes. JOKING- Our parents are still together. But seriously, we hardly look alike.

I mainly plan to blog about #momlife , relate-able topics, humor and [eventually] help you guys find amazing deals to make life easier. I am a super sappy person so I will be here to make you laugh and cry and hopefully make this place a happy community! SO drop a line! Say hi!

I am looking forward to this hopefully long lasting journey!
cheers!

♥ashley26733697_1816075671758152_9156675118811461239_n

“When I tell my kids I’ll ‘do something in a minute‘, I’m really thinking ‘please forget‘.” (only half kidding!)