Life change

5 Steps to take to be your HAPPIEST you, yet

Okay, so I could start this off with affirmations. “Tell yourself this” or “Tell yourself that”–and say it out loud!

But I won’t. Because that doesn’t work for everybody.

Me in particular. But I will say, even on my absolute worst days. I am still happy (or at the very least I appear to be). Here’s how I do it so that you can, too:

I let shit go (most of it anyway)

Kind of like when you go number two. You don’t reflect back on it. You let it out, and you let it go. Its toxic waste that you don’t need in your body or your mind. I get mad, I get irritated, I get frustrated, and boy do I get annoyed— but I never hold onto it. Especially when it comes to the people in my life. Life is way to short to stay angry with someone. So take that anger, the animosity, the grudge, the jealousy… and flush that shit down the toilet. You don’t need it!

My glass is half full

I can take any situation and find the positive in it. My oldest is the same way and I love that so much about her. If you have hit rock bottom, there is a way out. You can only go up from there. Ask me. If I don’t know how or why something has happened to you (or me) I will–one way or another–figure out a way to help or make things better or help you come to a conclusion. Yes, I do this with myself too. I am an over thinker so I have to talk myself off of ledges alllll the time, and most of the time I end up finding a happy resolution… because I need it.  Not everyone is going to give it to me.

I compliment people

Be kind. I try not to let anyone who leaves my presence leave feeling as low as they had initially appeared to me. I like to refurbish them. I do my best to shove a little sunshine into people’s lives. If I like something about someone, I say it. “I like your face” goes a long way. Try it. They may laugh and say “Thanks” or they may walk away a little perplexed at what the heck you just said to them, but I promise it will leave a lasting impression and they’ll think about that odd compliment until they pass out for bed.

Okay, story time! So I have a kid (two actually, but this one in particular), and kids kind of just say whats on their minds. No filter. Well we were at Walmart (and if you have heard of the People of Walmart you know where I’m going with this), and she was staring at this older lady behind us in the checkout line–she was morbidly obese–and she wouldn’t stop staring. So praying to God she doesn’t open her mouth and just say something embarrassing (like kids usually do) I whispered “Its not very polite to stare at people.” And as my “judgy” self is watching her mouth open up, still making eye contact with that woman, and I’m hoping a hole in this floor will open up and eat me alive because I swear she’s about to say something embarrassing–she opens her mouth to speak and says “I really like your shirt and your matching necklace“.

Wait, what?? She was four at the time. Four!

Now I know I said I compliment people, and in this case, it appears I had judged before I could say anything nice about this woman, but if you have kids you have to be prepared for them to speak the obvious… and that’s where I thought this was going. Moving on.

I understand and overcome

I know that when people lash out, its not always personal. An angry customer on the phone may want to swear up and down about something they’re not happy about, but its not my fault. They’re angry at the product, not at me. Someone may be at rock bottom, and even though you may approach them with ease and the intention of being polite they may want nothing to do with it… and will show it. Everyone fights different battles. Its not your place to judge whether or not your battle is worse. Their day is not your day. Their life is not your life. Understand that its not personal. People just need to find an outlet and whether or not you’re the problem, you may be their target. Smile, and move along. Do not hold onto it. I also understand that my life is not, and will never be, perfect. If I expect it to be, and its not… that’s me letting myself down. The same goes for you. All the chaos that is, has, and is yet to come is what shapes your character. Understanding how to handle and manage it will help you get through and overcome it.

and last but far from the least

I smile all the time

Even when I’m on the phone. They may not see it but the recipient is able to hear it in your voice. I promise. I don’t know how many times I have heard “It was a pleasure speaking with you” or “Thank you for brightening my day“. And its because I have every intent on making even hard conversations, tolerable. There may be days where I’m at work crying over some battle with myself in my head, then the phone rings, or my manager calls me over, and I brush it off and smile. 95% of the time most people wouldn’t know I have the struggles that I have had in my life because of a simple smile. And really, its none of their business anyway.

So that’s it.

Five easy ways to have a happier lifestyle. Kindness is free, people. Be gentler with others and be easy on yourself.

Trust me– I’m not this big ball of sunshine at all times. I just don’t carry my baggage  with me wherever I go. My lucky husband gets to deal with my gray skies once in a while. 😉

 

-cheers!
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Life change

I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way

My brain is like a train that is never on track. Like the person who works the railroad switch to engage the track to veer one way instead of the other decided to skip work and steer me in the wrong direction– everyday.

Like there’s a fork in the track (think of a real fork–a realistic one, one with 4 or 5 prongs–not like a fork in a road) and each car of the train decides to split apart and take its own path, yet the caboose remains at the fork unsure of which car to follow. All that, equals my brain.

Do I want to work full time? Do I want to be a stay at home mom? Do I like this job? Should I go back to serving? Work from home? Should I change my outfit for the 100th time? Hair up or down? It’s cold at work, jeans and a tank top or shorts and a hoodie? Am I raising my kids right? Or should I follow the books more? This never changes in my head. All I know is that there are two things I’m certain of:

  1. Once I make up my mind, it’s made up. (It’s the process of making it up part that gets me)
  2. I want to see more of my kids.
  • That’s it. My husband always refers to that scene in The Notebook where they’re arguing and he’s asking her what she wants and she argues back that it’s not that simple. Yeah, I’m Allie. In all things.
  • I get along pretty well with everyone in my life and generally with the people I surround myself with. The only person I can’t seem to agree with anything on is myself.

    I need to learn how to just do something if I want to do it. Yeah, I mean weigh out the pros and cons first, and make sure the cons don’t outweigh the pros and not vice versa. But not if the cons are mainly people who don’t support me, or people who tell me not to do something because it’s an unrealistic idea. Those people can go you-know-what themselves. And I need to remember to not be one of those people, myself.

    I need to do something that I want for a change. Not what I think other people will applaud me for doing, because I know for a fact that there are more people who wish you well to your face but are sticking around for “support” just to see if you fail.

    I wish so badly that people weren’t so ugly towards other people. It’s really not that hard to be kind.

    But there I go… being a hypocrite (again) because my biggest enemies are the voices in my head telling me that my dreams are unrealistic, even though I know how hard I would push myself if I would just follow-through with them. This is my last step.

    I am slowly breaking down that wall. I’m climbing up the shattered pieces that have come down and I’m using them as stepping stones to make my way up and over it.

    This brick represents all the “You-can’t-do-it’s“. Step.

    This brick represents the “Its-not-possibles“. Step again.

    This brick represents all the doubts in my mind that I couldn’t or shouldn’t ask for help. Another step.

    This brick represents the false idea that no one will support me. And another step.

    On that last brick of false ideas I stand and look over the wall. I can see the horizon of possibilities that looks back at me. And just like that horizon– they’re endless.

    I’m so close to being over the wall. So I look up at the brick that I know will fall, if only I can just shake the nerves, block out the voices, and pray to God for the courage.

    Just one more brick. Just one more step. Just one more “You can do it.”

    And I’m there.

    Life change · Mom's Corner

    Duty is calling, and I must go

    I knew what I was signing up for when I got my first job as soon as I turned 16. Responsibility, income, a new role. But I always took pride in working for my money. I may not have managed it very well when I was younger (and I’m still sometimes an impulse buyer), but it was my money. It wasn’t full time by any means since I was still in high school, but after school duty was calling… so I went.

    I joined the military on active duty at 19, had a kid by 22, and deployed by 23. My squadron told me I was deploying when my oldest was still new to this world at five months old, with six months to prepare for my upcoming deployment. After her first birthday, shortly after Christmas, just a few really short weeks later I was at the airport (deployment bags in hand and my daughter on my hip) and the woman on the intercom said it was the last call for boarding. My overseas duty was calling and as my heart shattered, I had to go.

    I came back from said deployment, eager to see my daughter, and ready to be home. I was speed walking through the airport, passing the much needed restrooms, but I didn’t care I’d pee my pants if it came down to it. I was coming down the hallway and could hear the distant laughter of my daughter drawing nearer and nearer. My duty lifeline was calling in a sing-song of laughter…and faster than lightning, did I go.

    Monday through Friday I work a 9-5 (it’s really an 8:30-5 but who’s tracking?). I work for someone who has made their dream a reality. I invest my time so I can reap the reward of a middle class paycheck to be able to help provide for my family. So Monday through Friday at 8:30 am as I pay someone else to help raise my children, I have a duty to fulfill… so I go.

    I worked all week and looked forward to this weekend… until I realized I may no longer be active duty but I am still in the reserve and instead of enjoying the weekend with my family, its my military drill weekend and have to work it to be able to maintain a military career status and reap the many benefits that come along with it. I get to see all the faces of my military coworkers for two days bright and early at 6:30am, so I reluctantly roll out of bed at 4:30am after hitting snooze, get dressed into my uniform, hop in my car, and I go.

    After working all week– and sometimes 12 days straight– and checking my phone constantly for updates on my kids, when my temporary duties are up, and I’ve fulfilled the needs of my jobs I sign out of my computer, gather my belongings and I clock out.

    This past month or so has had me reflecting on all the things I do and all the hats I wear. Although I keep my ABU (military) hat on the dash of my car as a reminder that I serve my country for anyone in the range of my family and friends to the man who could care less about why I’m serving.  My duty as a mother is my most important and it is the hat I wear with most pride. It’s a never-ending job and requires most of any and all resources I can provide. Becoming a mother has changed the way I view my life and what I define as successful. I can be great in all other areas and “succeed”, but if I fail in this one particular aspect of my life, to me, I will have failed at all the others. I understand the need to provide, and as a family we have that. But while I am alive I am going to give my mom-duties, and my babies, my best me yet…

    Because my duties babies are calling… and to them–without fail–I will always go.

    Mom's Corner · Uncategorized

    Planning and Parenting- What a book won’t tell you

    Alright. Since I’ve already crowned myself The World’s Okayest Mom— we all know I didn’t plan a whole lot prior to my oldest joining my life journey. I tried a liiiiiitle harder with my second, but knew there wasn’t much more out there that’s changed in the six years since I had previously given birth. One of those things being my personality. If you want to know what real motherhood is like, ditch the books and follow a mom blogContinue reading “Planning and Parenting- What a book won’t tell you”

    Mom's Corner

    What I think my toddler wants – a poem by me

    a poem by me- Ashley Cincotta

    Mama, mama, can’t you hear?

    I’m wide awake, let’s play!

    Time to get up out of bed,

    Lets get on with this day.

    I’m hungry! Feed me now! Or else,

    I’ll lay down on this floor.

    No! Not that, or this, or that,

    You know! I’m wanting something more! Continue reading “What I think my toddler wants – a poem by me”