In honor of my husband, since today is his 31st birthday! (Happy birthday, baby!)
I thought I knew what a good man was. Until I dated them for years (God, why?), and finally breaking up with them. If they were really good men (can I really call them that??), I would not have felt relieved upon my breakups. I wouldn’t have wanted to run or find reasons for them to leave me! I wanted them to leave me! Not the other way around. Mainly because I didn’t have the heart to leave. I cannot stand confrontation.
These “men” that I was utterly smitten with, showed me they loved me by controlling me. Initially I was all “Aw, they just want to make sure I’m safe.”, or “They’re really interested in what I’m doing”. No. That turned into “Take pictures of where you’re at/who you’re with so I know that’s what you’re really doing“. And I did it. For years, I did it. I’d leave one relationsh*t, just to [blindly] jump into another one where it starts off all flowers and romance, and being fed sweet nothings that were really infiltrated with absolute garbage, not realizing I deserved better.
Until that’s exactly what I got- someone better.
This man of mine casually made his way into my life. Now, at this point, I had a kid, have been divorced, have serious romantic anxiety, and wanted nothing to do with the male species. Really, when I saw him, I thought he was good looking and told myself “Nope. Not happening”.
We started talking snowboarding and hockey and the next thing you know, there we were on our first date, eating wings (#teambone-in) and falling in love.
He is a good man. Better yet, he’s a great man.
We may not speak the same love language, but we have learned to. He listens to me, we actually get along, he loves my first born like she is his own, he shows me he loves me, and this list could really go on and on.
A good man will love you at your worst. He will do his best to make things work. He will work hard to make you happy. He will trust you. He will work with you, to make your relationship last, not letting you pull all the weight. He will not pick you apart and want you to change anything about what makes you, you. Lastly, he will not control you.
Obviously boundaries exist. They need to. When you find yourself in situations where the other person is pushing them, mark that as a red flag. Do not settle for less. Find someone who completes you, with a personality that complements yours, not suppresses it. And work hard to maintain your relationship. Not a single one is perfect. Relationships will always require maintenance- and that’s okay! It doesn’t make it a bad one.
Now go out there and find yourself a husband like mine. (Just not mine. =P)
…and for the record! He still says I said I thought he was a douche, when really I said “He looks like a douche.” he’s got some serious RBF. But still handsome nonetheless.