The moment I found out I was pregnant with you, I was scared. Scared that God had trusted that in that point in time of my life I was ready for you.
Or maybe that I needed you…
That, I did. I needed you.
The second I saw you on that ultrasound screen, everything around me disappeared. (Literally, because happy tears formed in my eyes and fell down my face). I was in a world of my own and while I was scared up until that point- I no longer was. I looked forward to every pregnancy milestone with you. (Even though I was really hoping for a boy 😉 ).
When I knew you were ready to make your debut, and got to the hospital all I could worry about at that point in time was getting you out. The pain I endured during labor with you felt unbearable.
Until you were here.
Everything I read, or learned, or thought I would know about love, left my brain and was replaced with reality. The realization that no book I had read had the instruction manual to figure out what I’d need to know to mother you. The realization that no matter what kind of love I had experienced before you would prepare me for the second I laid my eyes on you. The love I felt for you surpassed them all.
You taught me how to love. You taught me how to be a mother. You taught me new levels of frustration as I’d sit up at night with you not knowing how to take away your tears. You are my first truest love.
Although you now have a sister who needs me just as much, and I watch you with a little jealousy pinging in your little heart. I want you to know, that no matter what, I will love you just as much as I ever have and I will love you just as much until the day I leave this earth, and then some more.
Nothing in this world can take away the love that I have for you. Nothing will ever replace our memories (mainly my memories since you were too little to remember the same things I do). Although, I ache for you to be little again, I love our time now. Watching you grow into a young lady, being a phenomenal big sister, makes my heart swell with pride. I look at you and, without fail, feel such an overwhelming love that I could burst into tears at any moment.
I look at you and I still see the baby, the toddler, the little girl you once were. I look at you and wish I had more time to love you as you were a baby. I look at you and kick myself for the things I wish I would have done differently.
I love you. With every fiber in my body.
You were my first, you will always be my first, you will always be my baby.
Love, Mommy ♥